Be My Shelter
by AlphaOmegaPsi
Summary: Roxas, a new Nobody, has just appeared at the Organization and is found by Axel. This is their story, from their time at the Organization until Axel's fading. Yaoi, Akuroku
1. When You Were Young

AN: I wanted to work on nothing but Even Angels Can Be Cruel this summer, but I have failed. I wanted to remake this so badly, because the first version sucked out loud. It's not really an original idea, just how Axel and Roxas met and the eventual future that leads to Axel's demise. Stuff like that. It's just my take on it and what I think happened. I hope you enjoy, and I hope that there are still some fans left over from When Land Meets Sky or Attempted Suicide.

Disclaimer: I don't own it

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There was nothing in this world, Axel thought, that wasn't predetermined by whatever being watched over them. Not that he really believed in God or anything. Or, more specifically, not some big all-knowing person sitting in the clouds all day watching. No, if he believe in any sort of God, it would probably be the earth itself. Though, as a Nobody, even that was hard to maintain. The question of God was always present in his mind and more often than was probably necessary he renounced his faith, only to pick it back up again in a few hours. He supposed it wasn't so much fear of not believing, but more like needing something to cling to. Even someone with no heart needed to believe in something.

Everyone else thought he was crazy. If there was a God, they said, he's forsaken us already. Nobody cares about a bunch of Nobodies. But Axel didn't agree. If nobody was watching over them, then it would mean the twelve members would run around crazy all the time, instead of banding together like they had. Something-or, someone-was controlling them in some way. And he just couldn't believe it was Xemnas.

Such were his thoughts as he snuck away from the large skyscraper in the center of The World That Never Was. Any break he could get from the others was a welcome sort of loneliness. He had never been one for company, which didn't matter anyway because they didn't have hearts. Nobody here really liked company. But they endured it for who knew what reasons.

Axel breathed in deeply through his nose as he leaned against the wall, trying to catch the dank smell of mold or the earthy dirt. Nothing; this place was completely scentless.

_More like soulless, _he thought to himself. That probably wasn't far off the marker. The residents didn't have hearts, and by extension souls. Why should the place they resided in have one?

The redhead kicked the wall he was leaning on, inexplicably angry. He shouldn't be so ungrateful for this place. After all, it was the only place he could go. No other world would accept a Nobody as a resident. But what most would fail to realize is that to reside with your own kind is horribly depressing. Every day, you're reminded of what you are, and what you can never be. It's like lepers all living together in a small house. If they look around, the only thing they see is other lepers. It's a soul-crushing reality; to know very well that you're existence is meaningless and unwanted. But then again, you would need a soul for that to truly apply.

Axel gazed around him, at the tall, seemingly endless buildings around him. This wasn't even a real city. These buildings had no doors to enter. They were only here to make the place seem less empty. But, as any Nobody would tell you, this place would be empty if there were a million people in it. There was just something about the place that was crushing and choking. Soulless, as he had said before. And something with a soul shouldn't exist. So why were they there?

Axel rounded the corner into a particularly small crevice between three buildings, almost like a room. Except, of course, it didn't have a roof. But it still provided some semblance of privacy, which was more than could be said of anywhere else in this place.

He sat in a small corner, frowning in annoyance as his spine was wedged in between two very close buildings. There was very little chance anyone would ever find him here. Then again, there was little chance anyone would come looking for him. He didn't resent them for not doing it, but there was a part of him, a part that could still remember what it was like to be a Somebody, that sort of missed the company of others. It was a weird feeling, and one he would rather be without.

A lot of humans, he'd observed, believed in some sort of God. He was always different, and sometimes he wasn't even one entity, but there was always a presence in their lives regardless. Staring up at the starless sky of The World That Never Was, and the strange heart-shaped moon that never left the sky, Axel couldn't really believe in any sort of God. What kind of God, after all, would allow a place like this to exist?

"Why are we here?" Axel questioned to the darkness, almost to himself. That was the never-ending question, wasn't it? Nobody knew why Nobodies existed. They were just there one day, prepared to do nothing more than steal hearts from those who had them and rightfully deserved them. They were nothing more than glorified thieves, if anything. And even of Xemnas promised them over and over again that once Kingdom Hearts was complete they would all become human, Axel couldn't bring himself to believe that. Neither did the others, he suspected. They were probably all as apathetic to the endeavor as he was. But they all just kept doing what Xemnas asked them to do, simply because everything needed a purpose.

A loud sob broke through the darkness before Axel, startling him out of his depressing thoughts. What could be crying, in this desolate place? He was gripped with a great need to find this thing. He needed to know there was something that could still feel here.

He conjured a small fireball on the tip of his finger and stepped forward slowly, carefully, lest he accidentally crush the thing he was looking for. His eyes scanned the floor for the source of the noise. Even with the light source, it took him a good amount of time to find the thing he was seeking; it was a young boy, lying naked on the ground.

Axel leaned down to inspect the boy. It seemed he hadn't noticed the pyro yet, even with the light source flickering away in the airless space. He didn't seem to be older than late teenage years, but he was still crying like a little kid. Axel reached out the hand that wasn't controlling the fire and laid it on the boy's shoulder. That at last got a reaction out of him; he flinched away.

"Go away," he whispered desperately. "Just go away. I don't want to be eaten…Please…" Axel frowned.

"I'm not going to eat you," he said, scrunching up his nose. "Are you a new Nobody?"

"No…body…?" The boy said slowly, as if he didn't understand the words. At least he had stopped crying for the moment. "I…I don't know…"

"Can you remember anything?" He asked impatiently. That was usually the first order of business; find out if they remembered anything. If they didn't, take them to Xemnas. "Do you know your name?"

"I…I can't remember anything…"

"Your name," Axel repeated. Even if the new ones couldn't remember anything about their previous life, they usually had a name at least.

"Roxas," he said; it was the only thing he said with any certainty. "Who are you?"

Ignoring the question, Axel hauled the young boy to his feet roughly and set him upright unsteadily. The boy swayed, and Axel had to keep a hand on him to make sure he didn't fall. Taking in Roxas' naked state, Axel groaned and pulled off his cloak and draped it over the boy's shoulders. It was huge on him.

It took a few moments for the blonde boy to get the hang of walking, but after some prompting he was able to follow unsteadily after Axel. He kept his face turned down and seemed like he was desperately trying not to cry. Axel fell back into step with him to help a little more. He felt a little pity for the boy. Being a newbie wasn't good here.

The blonde boy tripped over seemingly nothing, and clung to Axel's arm for less than a second before falling on all four and dry heaving. Tears began to fall down his face again, and he whimpered with the effort of trying to keep them silent. Axel kneeled down next to him, intending to haul him up again, but was stopped when he said,

"When…when does it stop…hurting here?"

Axel frowned, taken aback by the question. As far as he knew, the transition wasn't painful. Or at least, it wasn't that painful.

"I don't know," he answered truthfully. "It might never stop." A particularly loud sob ripped through the air and the boy wrapped his arms around himself.

"It feels like I'm being ripped in half," he whispered. "Death can't be this painful…why am I not dead?"

Axel didn't have an answer to that either.

He gently helped the boy to his feet and supported him a little more on the journey to the large building in which Xemnas resided. He would know what to do with the brat.

As they waited for the elevator inside, Roxas slid to the floor and buried his head in his knees. He was panting as if out of breath. The tears were gone again, but the look of pain on his face hadn't faded. Axel felt pity for him again. What must it have been like to wake in a new place, in terrible pain, with no idea what was going to happen to you or even why you were still alive? It must have been awful.

He wanted to do something to comfort the boy, but he didn't think it was a very good idea. Nobodies weren't the best confidantes.

When the elevator finally arrived, Axel helped Roxas get into it. Once inside, he simply curled into a ball again in the corner. When the door closed, it was silent save for the labored breathing. While the elevator made it's slow descent, Axel sat down next to the small blonde. He didn't seem to notice.

Axel cleared his throat. "My…my name's Axel," he said, almost reluctantly. He couldn't understand it, but he felt the overwhelming need to help this boy. He glanced over and found a small smile gracing the boy's lips through the pain.

"Thanks," he said quietly. They sat in silence for a time until Roxas said, "What's going to happen to me?"

Axel could barely remember when he joined the Organization, so he simply shook his head. He didn't know what Xemnas would do to him. But, since it involved Xemnas, he could probably say it wouldn't be all that great.

The doors opened to reveal a long white hallway with a door at the end. Axel helped Roxas to stand and gave him a small push out of the elevator. The blonde looked back, eyes wide with horror. Axel shook his head.

"I can't go with you," he said regretfully. "Xemnas might get angry if I do. You're gonna have to do this alone." The boy's chin wobbled, but he nodded and made his slow way down the hallway. Axel was able to see him knock on the door before he allowed the doors to close.

He leaned back on the whitewashed walls of the elevator and sighed. What was that boy doing to him?


	2. If I Fell

AN: Here ya go, fishies, chapter 2. I'm not that into this story, but I might keep continuing it until interest completely depletes.

I'm thinking of a couple new stories. I'm going to post the ideas in my bio, so if any of you get the chance to check it out and tell me what you think, please do. I live off of comments, you know.

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

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The trip to the door at the end of the hallway seemed like an eternal walk of doom to the scared blonde as he made his way solemnly towards it. But at the same time, he found himself standing in front of it much too soon than he preferred. The white door was tall and foreboding before him, for all the world looking like the gateway to hell itself.

Roxas swallowed thickly as he stared up, up, up, to the very top. It might have been an effect of the intense pain, but he couldn't see the top at all, as if it simply disappeared into the heavens. Or as if it didn't have one at all. But that was absurd; doors always had a top.

Shakily, the blonde raised his hand and knocked gently on the white…it couldn't be wood, could it? It certainly didn't feel like it. Roxas brushed his fingers over it and found that it felt more like marble than anything else.

He heard the sound of the elevator doors closing and whirled around, intent on telling the redhead who had escorted him here to please wait. He didn't know when he would see him again, and he desperately didn't want to be alone. But he remembered Axel's words: _I can't go with you. Xemnas might get angry if I do. You're gonna have to do this alone._ He wouldn't stay if Roxas asked. Whoever this Xemnas person was, he must have been scary enough for his new friend to avoid him.

He turned back to the foreboding door and jumped when he realized there was a man standing in the doorway, holding the door open. It was a tan man with white hair who was very tall. He was wearing a black, flowing trench coat, and his expression was so cold it froze Roxas' blood where he stood. His eyes, the blonde noticed, were a strange color of orange.

"Well?" The man said coldly. "Are you going to just stand there or what?" Every fibre of Roxas' being was screaming at him to run away from this man and never come back. He could tell this was someone it was better to never be associated with and that he'd probably be safer out in the city than in this man's presence. But his feet moved on their own, shuffling past the man into the room, and he could do nothing but follow them.

He sat in a small white chair indicated by the man timidly, staring up at the fearful person before him. The silver ornaments on the end of the ties of the trench coat clinked together as he stepped forward and practically thrust his face into Roxas'. The younger boy could do nothing but lean back as those cold orange eyes bore into his own, as if trying to drill through to his brain.

Roxas fidgeted at the uncomfortable position. Leaning back like this was awkward and he felt like he might fall off the chair this way. But the man refused to back off, or even say anything. He just continued to stare at him like a predator would his prey. Roxas wanted do badly to look somewhere else; anywhere else. But it was like his eyes were being held in place. He couldn't look away; he was just stuck in this freakishly long game of eye-tug-of-war with someone he didn't even want to be associated with.

Finally, he could take it no longer. He had to do something to break this. He cleared his throat. "Uh…sir…"

"Who said you could speak?" The man said in an ice-cold voice. Roxas shivered at the pit that appeared in his stomach at the words. This man was cruel.

"Uh, I was just w-wondering…where am I?" He believed it was a perfectly legitimate question, but all it earned him was a punch in the chin from the taller man. The pain of that was less than the intense pain coursing through his body, which he was already getting used to, and so his mind barely registered it.

The man gripped the same chin he had just bruised and forced his head upwards so that he could stare menacingly into his eyes.

"How is it that a weakling like you made it here? Only the strongest hearts survive." He growled. "You're just a little kid with scared eyes. What do you know about being a Nobody?" Roxas whimpered in fear.

"N-nothing," he said, thinking perhaps that was what the man wanted him to say. But the only snarled and released him in a crumpled heap, turning from him and beginning to speak as if nothing had happened.

"This is the Organization. We're a collection of Nobodies bent on gathering hearts. I doubt you'll be very much use; you're so puny after all. But I'll keep you around for awhile. Who knows? You might surprise me…" He waved his hand toward a small table. In a cloud of black shadow, a black shirt that looked almost too small, soft-looking black pants, black boots, and a black trench coat just like his and Axel's that he was wearing currently appeared. The man picked them up and thrust them into his hands.

"Take these. The black coat is a symbol of your belonging to the Organization." His mouth turned up in a semblance of a sneer. "In other words, I own you. If you want to run now, by all means go ahead. But if I capture you again, I'll turn you into a Dusk." Roxas didn't know what a Dusk was, but he had a feeling being turned into one wouldn't be very preferable. So, even though the idea of this man owning him scared him, he had no intention of running. He simply gripped the clothes tightly to him and got out of the room as quickly as possible.

Roxas let out a big whooshing breath when the large doors to that room closed. The tension in there, and the overwhelming feeling of helplessness, had threatened to suffocate him. He hugged the clothes tighter to him, as if they were a lifeline he could use to forget the horrible experience. But they were just clothes, and they wouldn't do anything.

He had some trouble maneuvering the elevator with his armful of stuff, but he was eventually inside and whooshing down to the bottom floor. When it opened, he peered outside cautiously. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw nobody was outside. Even Axel seemed to have left, much to his disappointment. He had liked the tall redhead from the moment he saw him, and was sad that he might not see him very much again. Plus, he needed to give him back his coat. He was still wearing it.

Roxas made his way through the building to the large doors leading outside. While the inside was well-lit, the city outside was bathed in darkness. There were no lamps or lights or anything to break it, just an unending string of velvet blankness. Roxas crouched down on the steps, clothes trapped between his legs and body. He didn't know where he was supposed to go, and he didn't want to go into that blackness. He wanted to leave this place, but the man's threat still rang in his ears.

_If I capture you again, I'll turn you into a Dusk._

Roxas shuddered at the memory of it. To remember such a cold encounter in such prominent darkness was doing nothing to alleviate his fear. He wondered if anyone would say anything if his simply crouched here until it was light and he could ask for help.

"Wow, you really are a little wimp, aren't you?" Roxas snapped his head up and caught sight of Axel, leaning coatless against the building with a small smirk decorating his face.

"Axel," he croaked, wiping the wetness away from his face. That was strange, since he didn't remember starting to cry. He stood up and approached the taller redhead. "You…you waited for me?" Axel shrugged.

"I figured Xemnas would be cold as usual and not tell you anything. The least I could do was help you find your place." Roxas grinned at the redhead above him, who genuinely smiled back.

"Come on, shrimp," he said, walking off into the city. Roxas hesitated, but followed. The darkness wouldn't be so bad if Axel was there.

They walked seemingly endlessly through the blackness. Incredibly, they didn't run into anything or encounter any problems in the dark. Axel seemed to know where he was going confidently.

"You'll get used to the dark," Axel said to him quietly, as if afraid to break the silence. "It never gets light here." Roxas whimpered unconsciously. It would be dark constantly? Axel heard him in the dark and squeezed his shoulder comfortingly, but didn't say anything.

"Why doesn't it…get light?" Roxas asked simply. He was in too much pain and too confused to be eloquent. The redhead 'hmm-ed' thoughtfully beside him.

"I'm not really sure," he said, with the sound of a shrug in his voice even though Roxas couldn't see it. "All I know is that, in the time I've been here, it's never been light once."

Roxas clutched the hand still on his shoulder, another wave of panic going through him as he thought about the eternal darkness. He wasn't sure why he was so scared; all he really remembered was darkness. But maybe it was that, after spending so much time in darkness, he was secretly looking forward to the light. And for it to be denied him after all this time-had it been a long time?-well, that was a horrible fate indeed.

Roxas realized they had stopped and Axel had summoned a small lick of flame. They were standing in front of a new-looking door, with XIII on the front in brass letters. Roxas looked to Axel, confused.

"This is where you'll be staying," the redhead said by way of explanation. "I think there's a light inside, so I'm just going to go now…" Axel turned away, but Roxas practically jumped on him, dropping his clothes in the process.

"No, don't leave me!" He pleaded. "Please, I don't want to be alone." Axel was reminded of the emotion pity again as he stared at the young boy with wide eyes. The kid had just gotten here and learned he would probably not see light anytime soon, and he was scared. That was understandable, but Axel knew Xemnas would be mad if he coddled that.

"Sorry," he said, brushing the hands away. "I can't stay." But he found himself saying so reluctantly. A small rebellious spark ignited in his brain, making him think that whatever Xemnas could do wouldn't be that bad if he just stayed in a different room. And anyway, Axel could hold his own in a fight against him, if it came down to that. He turned back to the boy on the ground. "Okay," he said. "Okay, I'll stay." He had never seen a face light up as quickly as Roxas' did. They quickly picked up the scattered clothes and entered the small room.

The taller redhead looked around. It was a lot nicer than his room, but this one was new so that was to be expected. Saix probably made it as soon as Roxas arrived. The guy worked fast, he had to admit.

Axel yawned and sat down heavily on the bed. He stretched out horizontally and found, to his delight, that the bed was big enough that his feet didn't have off the edge. He would have thought so in such a shrimp's room.

Roxas eyes him nervously. "Uhm…where should I sleep?" He asked nervously. Axel cracked open one eyes, unaware that he had even closed them. He raised one arm and swept it behind him, indicating the immense amount of room still left on the bed.

"It's big enough for two people. Just get in and go to sleep." Roxas shuffled his feet a little but climbed over Axel to the other side of the bed against the wall. Axel could feel Roxas' smaller back against his own, and it was a comfortable sort of weight present. He sighed.

"Goodnight, shrimp." Roxas shifted a little, and Axel could picture him turning to look at him. There was a short pause before he responded with,

"Goodnight…Axel," and they both let themselves drift off in their own thoughts.


End file.
